some work by yours truly

check out some work by yours truly

regulate.

Maybe I’m still drunk from the other night. Maybe. But all I know is your love is a song. I know that I do this to anything good in my life. I find a way to kill it. Break it. Shatter it. destroy it. I find a way to  knock myself down. I find a way to recreate that dying feeling. Well here it is. Last night you were holding me....maybe I was holing you...you were sleeping, of course. I was awake, of course. I was crying. Not because of the wine...because I liked it so much. I like just being wrapped up. I like it. and I want it. but of course it’s too late.  I tend to loose at this game. I think you know that no one will ever do it better. I think we know this. I think you might have caught onto the fact that I’m slightly scared. I think you might see through me a little bit more then I think you do. I think you might actually see me. He I go with the thinking again.

I wish I could be more like her. darker. a piece of your puzzle that actually fits. I wish I was stronger. I wish, I wish, I wish. Everything is so messy....but its clear when your with me. I wish and I think....but this I know. She wont ever know you the way I do. She wont ever kiss you the way I do. She wont ever really listen. I know she can’t touch you like I do. I know that she can’t throw a punch like this one. Ha. She can’t fill these shoes....and no one will fill yours. So 10 years from now....together or alone. that is stays. I wish I could say it in a pretty way like you do with your words. Some clever analogy. Something that makes people melt. Everything I want to say...Stephen Jenkins already wrote...so anything for you will do.

I think that I'm thinking too much about how much I thought about what I was thinking, and now I just feel silly. Kind of loopy, kind of like that first sentence. I think that I might have once more...made a fool of myself and spoke with out thinking first...wait I take that back...I thought so much that what I really wanted to say got lost.. and that's where I begin to feel foolish. All I really wanted to say was something simple. Something very simple and from the heart. All I really wanted to say is I'm trying. On so many levels I'm trying and that is what makes a change.This one is shining. Very very shining. Its love for me. True. just like the first time. just like it was....but new.