7x7


my body wants to let go of all this...i told you i might be to much...put it right out there in the open if you were listening...i speak in ways that a musician should understand. he'll never read this so i can say what i want. i want you. i want you to want me...to trace me with your words and touch me in circle with your fingers...i want you to spend time on me..i want you to want to taste me. i want purity. love is overrated. purity is where its at. i want to speak how i want and when i want and i want you�� to want to hear me. I WANT.
my eyes stay on you and my heart does too. i know i'm overwhelming...to a point that i don't even understand. when i fall asleep at night i feel guilty and i don't even know why...i feel sad and useless and unworthy..its sad. i'm sad. i have so much stuck inside me and i need someone to help me let it go. i m crying right now and no one will know and i think thats ok...but i need someone to comfort me sometimes...i don’t need them to i guess...it would just feel nice. maybe i should let go and then i’ll get what i need. thats what always happens. they love me once i leave. for once i just want someone to love me from the start...Not start at then end.

formal setting. to not admit. to hide from. lets learn how to disappear completely with no trace of what was one a flicker of light. forget all about everything let it go. speak like you know things argue so people think that you believe in something. be alone because you wont admit that your lonely. And the spiral down begins and spins and spins. One thing is clear but its the thing that you hide from. one thing is right but its the thing you will deny untill the end. BLAH.

Circles.

Circles....the theme in my life for the past 3 years....circles. The men, the music, the life, the drinks, the candy, the thoughts. Circles. It's easy for you to think things into place. You organize those thoughts in that head of yours. Put them in sealed boxes so that you don't get hurt. I'll seal the box with a kiss. I'm sealed. Your crafty but I know your craft. I'm too full of life to sit back and wait. Once, Twice, Three times...daring. You get three trys. I understand, I do. "It's a typical situation in these typical times...to many choices". Well I choose you and that is that. I either get him or I don't but....its set and I'm not going home. I want but I wont be walked on. I'll give but I wont run dry. I am the giving kind and you have me right in front of you ready....but everything comes in good time right? Fuck time. I'm tired of the theme. Tired, tired, tired. I'm tired of writing songs to little boys who don't know what they want till its gone. No more songs wasted on you boys. Shame on me for telling it so twisted. Shame on you for not. "But when she says she loves you....that means a lot". You say "you'd call it love if you could see that far" but you might not ever get there so hurry up. If its not you'll know if it is it will sting. I know you have a list....it's right there in the front of your mind. The pros and the cons.....the things that keep you up at night. Throw it out....cause "we just gotta make this moment a crime".

European Adventures 09

Europe in a nutshell:


I'm in Europe. Been here for a month now...Sitting in a nice little hotel in Barcelona. I had a wonderful little melon for dinner. Lovely just lovely.

I just got back from Paris...Loved it. The best part was spending an evening eating Foie Gras with my friend Mr. Jordan Cohen. We bought some baguettes from a local bakery...got Foie for half off (if you get it two days before the end sale date you get a great price)...bought some sauterne and jam. Perfect meal for the river bank of Paris. I encourage anyone who happens to read this to do that exactly. I also enjoyed our night out at the Highlander a rowdy little underground Bar that stays open way after closing time. They had a D.J. who love ABBA a little too much and very expensive beer (7 euro) but you can't bitch when its 4 in the morning and you still want to drink. They delivered. The bartender also spoke english so that made things easier...




Barcelona Was and is Fantastic. I rented an apartment from http://www.waytostay.com. It was in the perfect area. Barrio Gotic. We loved it. Great Tapas all over the place... walking distance to all the Gaudi you could ever want or need. Very Nice.

Portugal was interesting. Lisbon= non stop party. Lagos= non stop party. We had super cute places to stay. in Lisbon we stayed in a little apartment in the middle of Barrio Alto. If your into nightlife this is the place to be. Great food around here too. In Lagos we stayed inside the old walls so we were walking distance to the nightlife and the beach. If I were to stay here again I would probabley go with a hostel just because its easier to meet people to spend time with. Fun place though...beautiful beaches.

Oh and lets not forget IBIZA! though its known for its crazy clubs and non stop partying, I was really more drawn to the beaches then anything. I got a map with little umbrellas showing where the beaches were and just drove to as many as I could. Love it. I would highly recommend renting a car. It makes your stay much better. There is a great little fruit market in Sant Antoni near the port that I think is really worth checking out. Best watermelons ever!



All in all Europe was fantastic!

Shameus and www.GOOP.com

This Is my first Blog, and that my lovely sweet dog Shameus, He's just here for eye candy. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to write about...I guess I'll write about all the things I want to say in my real life but can't. The Internet is like a buffer...just like being in a car. when your in a car and your pissed at someone, you simply yell and flip them off. If you were walking on the street and someone ran into you you wouldn't scream obscenities at them...or least the common person wouldn't. So I'm going to use this blog like a car. I'm going to say whatever the hell I want to whomever the hell I want because those people most likely wont even care to read this. On second thought...I'm not even mad at that many people, I'm just tired of buffering my thoughts and feelings.... Maybe this is more for self reflection. When I'm free to just write the truth usually is what comes out... or something close to it. People have some many barriers and walls put up around everything...social reasons, family reason and so on, that the truth is really had to feel, see or be sometimes. most the time. For me that is. So I guess this blog will be about self reflection. and maybe some random recipes, photos, songs and whatever else tickles my fancy. Speaking of...check out www.GOOP.com Gweneth Paltrows new website. I'm doing the seven day cleanse right now (day two). I really like her recipes and think the detox is a good idea. I add fax to my protein shakes instead of the olive oil at night thing, Better for you in my experience. If I had more money I'd do the fat flush but you have to buy all this stuff to do it. I rather stick to the cheaper version. She also gives you places to go, things to make, things to wear. Its kinda fun...I mainly just like the food part. Anyway I'm off to work. Thanks for reading.