getting by...by getting.

I had a dream last night. I was dead. Watching my dead self. Dead asleep. Sleep. Falling into sleep. I feel desperate still at times...but I'm practicing self control. Control. Such a hard thing to grasp. I feel like I should be a certain way still...at times I am a certain way...other times I am a very uncertain way. Oh for the sake of it. For the sake of telling a good story. For the sake of the song. Long movements, forced words, giving up my body for a few scars. I don't want you. I want me. I want a conversation. I want a pretty sky, I want, I want I want. How selfish of me....its about time. Mirrors. Oh mirrors. Sometimes everything is so much clearer through a mirror. Ask me what wrong with you...I'll tell you at least 10 things from worse to horrible...it gets better? no. Ask me what's wrong with me...I'll dodge and weave go in circles....like I said, hand me down. The funny thing is...no one is handing me down right now, They're reaching for me. It's strange. I don't know what to do with it, I don't know if I like it. Love is misery in my mind. My mind has no love. Love is bigger then my mind and will eventually tell my mind whose boss. My mind and me are not getting a long at the moment ....SEE! there...My mind is not me...I am not my mind. Thank god for gravity...I'd be a mess with out it.

I never wanted much from anyone...I demand things of myself, but for you l'll keep it simple. It started with white sheets, a kiss on the forehead, and breakfast and a conversation that moves. This is what I want. Have wanted, and will want. Red dirt hurts when it gets in your eyes...so does salt water. I'm not lonely but I still feel alone. I'm not restless, but I feel the adrenaline. I'm not at a standstill but I'm standing. Lay me down. I want some fiddle in my life.